Favorite Things

The Confection Is an Untruth

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Today’s Most Favorite Thing:

Lie Lie Lie

Oh what a delicious-looking…hey, wait!

 

The Above Cake Is, In Fact, a Lie.

It is also possibly the greatest cake dish of all time. And this, everyone, is why you should go to flea markets, garage sales, antique sales, and sneak into your neighbor’s houses*. People in the long-past (i.e., your grandmother’s day) preemptively knew everything that would be cool today, and they made it already.

*Don’t do this. It’s illegal. And even if you get away with it, it could potentially scar you for life.

Confessions of an Otherwise (sort of) Dedicated Blogger

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I’m very sorry, y’all.

My couch is more comfortable than my keyboard

I know. You’re all very sad about this. I feel just _awful_.*

*Actually what I feel is very, very well rested.

So, instead of a normal blog post, today I bring you my favorite thing I’ve said all week, in eCard form, and all the cool things I’ve found on the Internet while I should have been writing blog posts.

This week in conversation:

What? Do you not know people who have vampire catastrophes?

I really talk like this, y’all. It’s pretty awful to know me.

Meanwhile, on the Internet:

You have more body parts than you thought you did.  Seriously, doctors? Where have you been? 

My friend Andy skipped a blogging day and I am telling everyone I know about it. Way to go, Andy.

The entire Internet is obsessed with Siracha Candy Canes.

Do not buy these for me.

Science hates teddy bears and they proved it with a cloaking device.

Speaking of toys, here are some really, really disturbing ones. Honestly? Who lets these people around other people? Some people should not be allowed to invent things.

We forgive science for hating teddy bears, because they also agree I’m right about Daylight Savings Time being evil, and Standard Time being awesome. And healthy.

Also, there’s a new T-Rex. SERIOUSLY you guys! They found more dinosaurs!!!!!!

And ultimately, this can lead everyone to the conclusion that I love Time’s Newsfeed. Happy Friday, everyone.

Today’s Favorite Thing: Shark Stalking

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That’s right. Oprah isn’t the only one with favorite things.

This post could have been entitled “Someone hid all the coffee in the break room and so I’m probably going to go to prison,” but I thought that was kind of a mouthful. So, instead, I bring you one of my favorite things.

OMG, y'all! You can follow SPECIFIC SHARKS. And his name is "Rizzilient." It's like I'm stalking a shark rap star you guys!!! http://www.ocearch.org/

OMG, y’all! You can follow SPECIFIC SHARKS. And his name is “Rizzilient.” It’s like I’m stalking a shark rap star you guys!!! http://www.ocearch.org/

Shark stalking. Because sharks deserve more than 1.92% (1/52, in fraction form. That’s right. This is a mathematical reference to Shark Week) of your year.

I’m not even going to tell you how many hours I have sunk into stalking sharks while listening to the theme from Jaws. (Hint: It’s definitely more than thirty.)

So why is shark stalking cool?

(…That’s just a silly question. I know. It’s condescending of me to even pretend you would be asking that. You’re cooler than that. I know. But not everyone reading this is! So I have to explain it to them. Oh, man. You’re so patient. I’m so glad I have readers like you.)

Shark stalking is cool, and worthy of favoritism, because of science. You may think it’s because of how sharks are totally awesome and capable of eating people and have their own theme song, but it’s (mostly) not. Have you ever thought about how amazing it is that we can use technology to find out where one single creature is on the face of the planet? Under the ocean, no less? I mean, c’mon. If I told you to find one specific shark, and you had no access to the Shark Stalker, you’d be doomed.

Science has expanded on the human ability to creepily watch something no matter where it is in the world. That. Is. Amazing.

Today’s favorite thing has been brought to you by my friend Stef, who is quite obviously super brilliant and deserves a cookie. A shark shaped cookie.

Image courtesy of Sweet Dani B. Click for link.

“I AM SO MUCH COOLER THAN A SHARK COOKIE.”