Confessions of an Otherwise (sort of) Dedicated Blogger

I’m very sorry, y’all.

My couch is more comfortable than my keyboard

I know. You’re all very sad about this. I feel just _awful_.*

*Actually what I feel is very, very well rested.

So, instead of a normal blog post, today I bring you my favorite thing I’ve said all week, in eCard form, and all the cool things I’ve found on the Internet while I should have been writing blog posts.

This week in conversation:

What? Do you not know people who have vampire catastrophes?

I really talk like this, y’all. It’s pretty awful to know me.

Meanwhile, on the Internet:

You have more body parts than you thought you did.  Seriously, doctors? Where have you been? 

My friend Andy skipped a blogging day and I am telling everyone I know about it. Way to go, Andy.

The entire Internet is obsessed with Siracha Candy Canes.

Do not buy these for me.

Science hates teddy bears and they proved it with a cloaking device.

Speaking of toys, here are some really, really disturbing ones. Honestly? Who lets these people around other people? Some people should not be allowed to invent things.

We forgive science for hating teddy bears, because they also agree I’m right about Daylight Savings Time being evil, and Standard Time being awesome. And healthy.

Also, there’s a new T-Rex. SERIOUSLY you guys! They found more dinosaurs!!!!!!

And ultimately, this can lead everyone to the conclusion that I love Time’s Newsfeed. Happy Friday, everyone.

Things I Have Said to People This Week – Oct 25-Nov 1

Other people share what exciting things have happened on the Internet over the course of a week. Instead, I choose to summarize my week for you by simply sharing a few of the things I have said to coworkers, friends, and complete strangers over the past seven days.

“Just…don’t sacrifice anything alive to make the soil fertile. I’ve seen that movie. It goes super badly.”

“I am SNOWELLA, Princess of Greenland! ….I have to go to the store now and change my costume completely. “


Which is now what I’m calling “blog updates”. You know, for speed and easy comprehension.”

“In ye olden times, they would have made you king.”

“Don’t worry children. The worst influence ever is coming to your rescue.”

“It’s ok.
I wasn’t thinking earlier.
And replaced my name with cake.”

“That mustard is so angry.”

“That’s mean.
You’re a bully.
I like it.”

” ’Men are weird retard lions’ is my favorite statement of the day.”

“I think I’m more of a Plan B for single guys (the backup plan, not the morning after pill. That would be awkward).”

And now, I present to you the one costume I left off my Halloween costume photos. Peggy Bundy. Because no one can get enough of the goddess of the 90s.

It's honestly both  disturbing and reassuring how long it took me to find a turquoise leopard print shirt.

It’s honestly both disturbing and reassuring how long it took me to find a turquoise leopard print shirt.

And here is a picture of a sleeping ocelot.



Happy Friday, everyone.