Other people share what exciting things have happened on the Internet over the course of a week. Instead, I choose to summarize my week for you by simply sharing a few of the things I have said to coworkers, friends, and complete strangers over the past seven days.

“Just…don’t sacrifice anything alive to make the soil fertile. I’ve seen that movie. It goes super badly.”

“I am SNOWELLA, Princess of Greenland! ….I have to go to the store now and change my costume completely. “

“Blodate!

Which is now what I’m calling “blog updates”. You know, for speed and easy comprehension.”

“In ye olden times, they would have made you king.”

“Don’t worry children. The worst influence ever is coming to your rescue.”

“It’s ok.
I wasn’t thinking earlier.
And replaced my name with cake.”

“That mustard is so angry.”

“That’s mean.
You’re a bully.
I like it.”

” ’Men are weird retard lions’ is my favorite statement of the day.”

“I think I’m more of a Plan B for single guys (the backup plan, not the morning after pill. That would be awkward).”

And now, I present to you the one costume I left off my Halloween costume photos. Peggy Bundy. Because no one can get enough of the goddess of the 90s.

It’s honestly both disturbing and reassuring how long it took me to find a turquoise leopard print shirt.

And here is a picture of a sleeping ocelot.

SERPENTINE BABOU! SERPENTINE!

Happy Friday, everyone.