Halloween is the holiday I celebrate for a full month. (Ok, admittedly, I also do this with both Thanksgiving and Christmas.) Horror movie marathons start October 1, and carry on until I have to legitimately accept that it’s November and I have to start obsessing about semi-racist Thanksgiving decorations. Candy shopping happens sporadically (Mostly because all those horror movie marathons need snack, and then I remember I have to compensate for trick-or-treaters). I make plans to go to every single party I’m invited to.
This year, I made my own stegosaurus costume.
In my head it looked like this.
This glorious example of costume excellence and artistry is courtesy of my favorite blog, Hyperbole and a Half. Go read it and buy her book.
What it really looked like was this:
I was chasing a tiny dog dressed like a dinosaur at this time.
I’m on a classic costume kick, so I was going to dress as the bride of Dracula for work today…but then I realized I had to go to the mall at lunch for an errand, and didn’t want to deal with long frilly sleeves in the stores.
That’s right. The mall affected my wardrobe decisions for the day.
So, I’m a blood sucking lawyer. Because I am both work appropriate and _hilarious_. (For reference, no one in the office thinks this is even remotely entertaining. Apparently the term “blood sucking lawyer” hasn’t made it to the south yet.)
Lawyers _Totally_ make this face. Just go see one and tell them you can’t afford to pay them.
I may be one of the few adults below the Mason-Dixon line who actually enjoys Halloween, but by golly, I’m going to celebrate it enough for everyone. You’re welcome, the South.
(This blog post is very short and unenthusiastic because no one will leave me alone today and I used up all my creativity this month on costumes. It’s a finite resource, y’all.)
Perpetual Plot Hole 
it’s cool, Hyperbole’s costume didn’t have the rad glowy claws. Though yours also doesn’t seem to come with a permanent tantrum power either.
I like the blood sucking lawyer. but I was born in the deep deep south. Bible belt dunno nuthin bout no halloween. Someone I went to high school with recently posted on facebook about how proud she was of her son for the way he reacted to childred trying to shame him by saying it was the Devil’s holiday…because backwards small minded rednecks think anything that isn’t Jesus is the Devil…because nothing can exist along a scale or have more than two options. Marlboro or Winston, Bud or Miller, Worms or corn, bow or rifle.
But thank you for being another halloween freak in this dreary ass place. Cuz God knows the fucking Christmas music is coming.
Honestly, I am perplexed by the death of individual holidays. Commercialism is so ADD.
I just kinda decided that since I didn’t have to deal with any kind of calendar of religious observance I would just assign myself the holidays I wanted and just have those be the holidays that count. I’m not actually Irish, so I don’t reeeeeaaally do st. patty’s. I’m not Catholic so I don’t do Lent or Mardi Gras or Easter. I like Christmas because Santa conditions us as children to like Christmas, plus we need all the reasons to not be depressed in winter as possible. and my birthday falls conveniently in the beginning of summer, so it’s a nice spot.
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