Or: The Story of How an Otherwise Competent Human Can Convince an Entire Department She’s Barely Smart Enough to Not Eat Paste
Generally, I’m identifiable as a fairly intelligent human being.* I manage to dress myself in the morning, pay my bills, and effectively accomplish things related to my multi-faceted, demanding job. I can hold real conversations with people about science things, and space, and marketing, and even some other stuff.
*Hey, hey, hey. I said generally, guys. Not always. Sometimes I am also identified as an overgrown child, and other times “that girl who dresses up like a dinosaur any time it might be remotely socially acceptable.”
Despite all that, you probably couldn’t convince the IT department at the Company that I’m smarter than a second grader.
I’ve mentioned before that the Company is growing**, which makes it exciting to be an employee. All sorts of things happen at growing companies. One of the things that happened this week was my department was moved into a different office space. We packed our things up in boxes and hauled our workspace items from one location into the other, like capable adults.***
**Hurray!
***Capable adults with desk toys, in my case.
All of my things did not fit in one box. I am lying to you with this picture.
Desk-space reassembly seemed pretty straightforward. Phones were rebuilt. Monitors were set up. Docking stations were re-hooked-up to all the things on the desk. Files were re-filed.
It’s like a grown up puzzle!
Then, once everything was nicely laid out and assembled, I shoved all the cords off the back of my desk and went about powering everything up and plugging things into the giant power strip the Company gave me.
I had to make the plug in noises myself
Everything whirred to life and booted up. I was clearly a master of computer-and-desk reassembly.
…I sense a disturbance in the Force…
Except I had no Internet.**** And my phone had lit up at first, but by the time I sat at my desk, the lights were out and my dial tone was gone. Clearly it had kicked the bucket.
****No Internet access, if you’re feeling grammatically picky. However, I view “Internet” as a thing, like a pulse. You have it, or you don’t, and if you don’t have it, you’re probably dead.*****
*****I am not going to survive the zombie apocalypse.
So I had to go talk to IT.
Yes. I do reference Oliver Twist when I ask people for things. It makes everything more literary.
IT came to help me.****** An investigation took place.
******Their mistake.
This is why I should not be allowed to work in real companies with other employees.
IT found the problem. The problem was, my phone was not plugged in.******* My phone controls my access to the Internet. The solution was simple: Plug in phone, get both Internet and a working phone. Because, as it happens, power is needed for electronics to work.
*******The bit that plugs in to the back of the phone fell out. Which I did not check. Thanks for conspiring against me, phone.
My IT helper was very good about delivering this news with a sincerely helpful face.
I was legitimately speechless, mostly because I am normally competent and capable of fixing basic problems like this. I held the cord and stared at it with an expression of betrayal.
TRAITOR PLUG.
And then my IT helper giggled. He tried to hide it – he really did – but it was a giggle that turned into a snort that turned into a cough.
I’m entirely sure this story has now been shared with the entirety of the IT Department. I know this because all of the IT people have come by and offered me help. With advice on how to work pens. And how to use a mouse.
But it’s cool. I still got Internet.
And that’s the very best prize.
Perpetual Plot Hole 
At least you, and your IT department, have a sense of humor about it.
I saved my boss the humiliation of calling in a helpdesk ticket when she “lost” the toolbar in Outlook that has send, reply, forward, etc. on it. I was a hero that day!
Heeheehee – You’re a life saver. And your boss should give you a raise. Technological humiliation is painful…
That’s ALWAYS how it goes! I try and try and try to make sure I’ve checked every last, simple, basic thing before calling IT, and they always come back with something like “Yes, it’s all plugged in, but your power strip isn’t turned on”. Eff.
Sometimes I think they just unplug things when we aren’t looking. Just so they can pretend we’re dumb….
Or maybe plugs are out to get us.
Either one of these may be true.
Haha no, I know the plugs aren’t out to get us. We love technology, and technology loves us, remember? We feed computers cookies specifically to avoid things like this!
I LOVE YOUR DRAWINGS!!!! 🙂
Thank you!!! 🙂 That makes my day!
I have been that girl. It’s not all bad. If you work it right, people will start to make copies and fetch drinks from the vending machine for you. (and I have multiple advanced degrees!)
….I’m going to have to try this tactic 😉
No! Some of the internet is mine! Can we share it?
At least you didn’t ask the plug what it thought it was playing at…I probably would have done!
I ask my computer things out loud all the time…then say something like “oh yes I forgot other people could hear me” when people give me funny looks…
To be honest this approach does not get me fewer funny looks!
…Weeeeeeellllll…ok. We can share the Internet. But only because you’re cool and together we invented and passed laws relating to blogger breaks. So we’re due some sharing.
If I had thought to call out the plug on shaming me, I so, so, SO would have, so you’re just creatively ahead of me 🙂
Woohoo we can totally share it! We do deserve it for blog breaks, and a the praise of all other bloggers who now get blog breaks , and possibly a prize of some sort!
Always ask inanimate objects what they are up to…it immeasurably increases your cool factor (at least this is what I tell myself!)
I’ve been in the “not plugged in” boat before. But, if it makes you feel better, I’ve already forgotten the details, so it was either such a short-term little thing that I don’t recall, or it was so traumatizing I’ve forgotten. Either way, I feel confident this will not scar your reputation.
Speaking of work, though, I have a question for you as a fellow blogger. It’s about the work/blog dynamic. http://fushilou.wordpress.com/2014/02/21/a-serious-question-for-bloggers-on-being-a-hot-mess/ No pressure to read it, but if you get a chance, I’d love your thoughts-slash-advice.
Thanks 🙂
I like to think we’re all just collectively acting absentminded about plugs to keep IT on their toes.
Because we _care_ people.
And I totally dove into your blog post – it’s a really valid question. I, for one, recommend other bloggers go check it out, because it is DEFINITELY a challenge to work a traditional job and still write blogs on the side. For me, though, I doodle when I’m inspired, and then the story comes together. It’s a brain break and a creative release when work gets uncreative.
And also sometimes I just totally skip blogging, like Monday and Tuesday of this week…(I’m so ashamed of me!)
Shame ye not! You are friggin killing it with your blog posts. And thank you for the reply, and for joining the chaos that is my sporadic blog- I appreciate it! I’m always bombarded with blog ideas, but finding the time to pen them down in a way that doesn’t suck proves to be a challenge. I like the idea of piecing them together throughout the day…perhaps I’ll try something to the effect. 🙂
Why thank you 🙂 You are too! (I can say that with authority, since I totally have now read an almost unreasonable amount of your blog now).
I have a whole notebook that gets carted around with me, too (I forgot to mention), which gets random thoughts and doodles written down in it, and a lot of the time those turn into whole written blog posts just over time, so all I have to do is swap the doodles onto post-its and get the actual post up. 🙂
The notebook is a great tool! But I always have blog ideas at inconvenient times, even for a notebook, like while I’m driving or running through snow to catch a bus. By the time I get to my computer, all of the wit is gone and I’m just left with “Well, I was running through snow and it kinda sucked.”
Pictures are way more fun anyway.
Speaking of, is the post-it a computer program? Do you scan the pictures or draw them via computer?Clearly, I haven’t taken much time to discover things on this device that I use to stare at the internet all day long. 🙂
Heeheehee. Nope – my Post-Its are real Post-Its! I doodle on them, then snap a picture with my phone, load them up, and then trim the pictures with the high-tech software of MS Pain 😉
Basically, I’m a little behind the technology times, too.
As long as you didn’t utter the magic words that every IT-related customer service person heard at least once in their life. The absolute beauty of someone saying what causes me to dance like a pole-dancer on LSD, the ultimate high when someone tells you … “I think I deleted the internet!” …. OH, THAT WAS YOU ?!!!???!!!??! *giggle*
I’m going to go practice my very concerned face so I can be extra convincing when I go tell IT that.
Because I am DEFINITELY telling IT that.
On behalf of my IT department and their future of laughing-soda-up-their-noses, Thank you.
They’ll love it.
Ahahha! Don’t worry, I would have panicked too if I had no Internet. Actually, I am taking a train to Toronto tonight and I took my laptop with me. I will definitely freak out if I have no access to Internet during the trip lol! However, I did take a book to read just in case haha!
xoxo
Olena
PS. Just in case, I’m pretty sure many will agree with me, we LOVE your weirdness! ❤
❤ Thanks!
And oh NO! You're leaving the Internet behind – even temporarily?! No! Say it isn't so! Come back to us, Olena! Come baaaaaaaacccckkkk!
Also, I'm jealous. I love train trips. New plan: train trips and fancy drinks. We could be queens of the railway. 😉
I like the sound of the Queens of Railway 😀
It’s totally destined to be our band name.
So you reminded me that the other day a light under our kitchen cabinet burned out. It’s the one I leave on for my kitties every night. I asked my husband to pull the bulb out so I could replace it. His first question was “Is the light plugged in.” My entire body then did the *blank stare*. My response, “Really?” Turns out, it WAS plugged in – the bulb was black it was so burnt.
I become mucho irritated when someone asks me a doof question like that. It’s quite embarrassing when they are actually right, though! 😉
In my case, they’re ALWAYS right…so I’m glad you successfully were right about the burned out bulb 😉
It’s all about the tiny victories, right?
It’s all we have, after all. 😉
Ha I have an ex that was an IT manager and he said the number one problem they encounter is that it’s not plugged in! So don’t feel too bad 😉
I think I may start plugging things into the wrong things on my desk, just to create extra elaborate and confusing issues.
That way I can add some mystery to their days 🙂
Hahaha! And, really this isn’t your fault, who still uses a phone that plugs into a wall? You are WAY TOO ADVANCED for that kind of nonsense.
EXACTLY! Phone should be wireless and pocket-sized and do almost nothing related to being a phone!
…I have a really unhealthy relationship with my iPhone.