Or: The Story of How an Otherwise Competent Human Can Convince an Entire Department She’s Barely Smart Enough to Not Eat Paste
Generally, I’m identifiable as a fairly intelligent human being.* I manage to dress myself in the morning, pay my bills, and effectively accomplish things related to my multi-faceted, demanding job. I can hold real conversations with people about science things, and space, and marketing, and even some other stuff.
*Hey, hey, hey. I said generally, guys. Not always. Sometimes I am also identified as an overgrown child, and other times “that girl who dresses up like a dinosaur any time it might be remotely socially acceptable.”
Despite all that, you probably couldn’t convince the IT department at the Company that I’m smarter than a second grader.
I’ve mentioned before that the Company is growing**, which makes it exciting to be an employee. All sorts of things happen at growing companies. One of the things that happened this week was my department was moved into a different office space. We packed our things up in boxes and hauled our workspace items from one location into the other, like capable adults.***
***Capable adults with desk toys, in my case.
Desk-space reassembly seemed pretty straightforward. Phones were rebuilt. Monitors were set up. Docking stations were re-hooked-up to all the things on the desk. Files were re-filed.
Then, once everything was nicely laid out and assembled, I shoved all the cords off the back of my desk and went about powering everything up and plugging things into the giant power strip the Company gave me.
Everything whirred to life and booted up. I was clearly a master of computer-and-desk reassembly.
Except I had no Internet.**** And my phone had lit up at first, but by the time I sat at my desk, the lights were out and my dial tone was gone. Clearly it had kicked the bucket.
****No Internet access, if you’re feeling grammatically picky. However, I view “Internet” as a thing, like a pulse. You have it, or you don’t, and if you don’t have it, you’re probably dead.*****
*****I am not going to survive the zombie apocalypse.
So I had to go talk to IT.
IT came to help me.****** An investigation took place.
IT found the problem. The problem was, my phone was not plugged in.******* My phone controls my access to the Internet. The solution was simple: Plug in phone, get both Internet and a working phone. Because, as it happens, power is needed for electronics to work.
*******The bit that plugs in to the back of the phone fell out. Which I did not check. Thanks for conspiring against me, phone.
I was legitimately speechless, mostly because I am normally competent and capable of fixing basic problems like this. I held the cord and stared at it with an expression of betrayal.
And then my IT helper giggled. He tried to hide it – he really did – but it was a giggle that turned into a snort that turned into a cough.
I’m entirely sure this story has now been shared with the entirety of the IT Department. I know this because all of the IT people have come by and offered me help. With advice on how to work pens. And how to use a mouse.
But it’s cool. I still got Internet.