Juice Boxes Are Superior to Soda Cans

And I stand by my argument.

I am too busy to blog today.*
I have to travel for work** and am much too important to provide amusement.***

*Nevermind that I am writing this before “today” is happening.
**This makes me sound important. Translation? I have to drive three hours to run an errand for my office.
***I am a terrible liar. Providing amusement is my favorite thing.

So here are some pictures of things you can do with a juice box if you’re trapped in the office, waiting for other people to finish projects so you can go home.

Alternatively, I was going to name him Ted.

Meet Cranberry. Cranberry the Juicebox. Cranberry the Juicebox, last of his line. (He was the last one in the break room fridge.)

1. You can find odd flavors of juice boxes. You never know what’s going to be hiding in your office refrigerator. Soda is just so predictableSo the first thing you can do is name your juice box. Obviously, I got creative and named mine Cranberry.

Everyone say “hi Cranberry.”

Or are they?

Friends 4 Ever

2. You can introduce Cranberry – or whatever you named your lesser juice box – to your desk monster.

Everyone say “hi Lenny (the Xenomorph desk monster)”

Desk monsters are bad at love.

Desk monsters are bad at love.

3. You can make Lenny, your desk monster, and Cranberry, your juice box fight.
NOTE: Do not let your coworkers catch you doing this. They get…concerned.

His brains! His brains!

Taking this picture actually kind of disturbed me. You’re welcome, you guys.

4. You can share Cranberry, your juice box, with your desk monster Lenny.
NOTE: This has concerning implications about your mental state, and your ability to recognize inanimate objects as inanimate.

This is a very dramatic moment

Oh no! CRAAAANNNBEEERRRYYYY!

5. You can tape a face on Cranberry, your now-deceased juice box, when you realize that sharing juice with Lenny, your never-was-alive desk monster, means he runs OUT of juice. So tragic.
NOTE: This is an improper use of Post-Its.

Squishing juice boxes is super fun

Poor Cranberry. He lived such a short and delicious life.

6. You can crush your juice box to display proper mourning. And also to suck out the last of the juice trapped in the bottom.

Facts:

  1. Juice boxes are more fun than I remembered
  2. Drinking a juice box in an office environment is disconcerting
  3. This blog post is longer than a lot of other blog posts I’ve written, despite me obviously not having time to blog today
  4. I swear to you no one was around when I did all this. I’m not totally insane you guys.****

****The South said I have to stop writing “y’all” down, because it’s “not a written word.” I seriously had no idea, y’all. You learn something every day.

5 thoughts on “Juice Boxes Are Superior to Soda Cans

  1. Pingback: I Am Possibly the Sole Source of Entertainment for the IT Department | Perpetual Plot Hole

    • It ain’t so! It’s all just a conspiracy to keep us from feeling bad about Toy Story being a real documentary.

      We’d all be crushed by the amount of toys we sold off in yard sales, otherwise.

      • It was the “Velveteen Rabbit” that convinced me to treat my toys better. It was Toy Story that proved it was a valiant effort.

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