Dear Internet,

I’m sorry to abandon you like this. I know you hate to be left alone. I know your information feels wasted, your games feel neglected, and your rapid-fire news updates are fired into an unappreciative space.

Tragically, however, I’ve been summoned to the holy land of family gatherings. To worship turkey.

The delicious turkey lord demands you interrupt your life for a feast.

This festival of fowl worship is pretty time consuming. It involves gatherings of family in remote locations, and toiling in hot kitchens. It involves the sacrifice of sanity and the consumption of large quantities of pie.

I don’t want to subject you to that kind of inappropriateness, Internet. Your sensibilities are pretty delicate.

But you know I think you’re something special. I know our love is true.

I know we’ll get through this.

See you next Monday, Internet.

Kisses,

Me

(I MISS YOU ALREADY)