I am not known for my glowing morning-person personality. I am, however, a known coffee-holic.*
*Also cake-holic, marshmallow-holic, one-more-glass-of-wine-holic…Basically, I should be in a lot of Anonymous programs.
In retrospect, my life would be easier in the morning if I started keeping my coffee pot on the floor.
It’s the sweet nectar that lures me out of bed in the morning and the bribe I use to transform myself into a professional human being on work days. It is the difference between me staring blankly at the wall for half an hour and me writing a blog post.
In short, it is the breath of life. It is my Gummiberry Juice.
This is your obscure 80s/early 90s cartoon reference for the day.
Click for image source.
And this morning I did not wake up in time to make any coffee.** That shouldn’t be a problem. I work in a professional office with a fancy break room full of snacks and coffee-making things. So really, on mornings when I don’t make coffee, it’s just a short walk to work before I can have some nestled in my hands.
**I did not make it out of the shower in a reasonable amount of time, and was forced to choose between putting on clothes or making coffee. It was not an easy decision, and I regret the choice I made.
But apparently not today.
WHO DID THIS TERRIBLE THING?!
Today there is no coffee in the break room. Today, the fancy Keurig, source of all life in the office, sits idle. Someone unpacked the shipment of coffee somewhere secret and hidden. It may be a social experiment. It may be an act of aggression. It may just be general cruelty.
But I think it is an act of war.
And so, since I watched entirely too many episodes of The Walking Dead this week***, I am probably going to go to jail.
***Not true. Not possible. Just stick with me here people. Sometimes humor requires some mandatory exaggeration.
This is how TV has taught me to cope with things.
If you’ve never watched the Gummi Bears, a product of Disney’s imagination and corporate greed, then you should probably watch this. It’s the intro, and it sums the whole thing up nicely. “Hey kids! Learn that bouncing a lot and drinking sugar water is a great way to win EVERYTHING!”
Disney says you’re welcome, parents of the world.
Perpetual Plot Hole 
for the sake of the rest of the world I make sure I am never in a position where I have to choose between clothes and coffee…
Coffee is an absolute necessity. I don’t know what I’d do without it.
http://www.awordofsubstance.wordpress.com
I have no idea what I’m doing this morning. I may die before I can make it to a Starbucks…
Yeah, I don’t need coffee to function, but it’s definitely my calorie-free morning comfort food. 🙂
I’m so jealous. I just don’t work without it. Unless I get to sleep in…that’s a different story.
Ever tried going to be earlier? 😉 Radical, I know.
Oh, I tried it. I tried it SO MUCH. My cat disagrees with an earlier bedtime, so she sings about it.
At the top of her lungs.
In the echo-y bathtub.
Because she is a demon.
I hear duct tape just takes that first layer of fur off… 😉 TOTALLY joking, of course! We use a fan that makes a bit of noise behind our closed door. Of course, if anyone ever breaks in, I’ll be dead before I hear them. Hm, another perk of a fan, actually! lol
I remember being ticked that the gummibears didnt look like actual Gummy Bears.
Haaa. I remember bouncing on the couch while yelling “I AM A GUMMY BEARS I AM A GUMMY BEARS” at my brother.
In defense of my grammar, I was 4.
Looking through Geneva Convention mumbling “No Coffee at work, pretty sure that’s illegal”
It must be! It’s cruel and unusual and inhumane.
Coffee pot timers are a blessing. Mine goes off while I am in the shower and when I am running out of the door to work I grab a quick mug and go. I’m in love with a timer. I’d hug it…seriously.
You are much more timer-successful than I am. When I set the timer, I forget to put the coffee things in, and end up with an angry coffee pot. When I intend to set the timer and put all the coffee things together, I forget to set the timer entirely.
I need lessons. Help.
Get married? My husband handles mine for me because I can’t make it work either. New support group? #coffeetimersanon ?
0_0 If that happened in at my work, there would be a mutiny. Our bosses just bought us a new three pot coffee pot for our break room. And they have the environmental service people stock not one, but two cans of unopened coffee in the cabinets to avoid a total staff melt down. Hope you found some life blood eventually!
Thank you! It’s been a challenge, but I exploited Starbucks at lunch and now only growl at people sometimes. 😉
A similar thing happened to me once and carnage ensued. After that day I swore coffee would never control me again and I switched to decaff. It was easy. After the first week of HELL. (Caps necessary)
My hubby doesn’t seem to understand my obsession with you. Well, I’m pretty sure that it’s now solved, all I have to mention to him is that you’re a Walking-Dead-holic 😀 ❤ xoxo
LOL! Well I’m glad he may FINALLY understand. Also, I’m glad you’re obsessed with me, because I’m totally obsessed with you. Honestly, you’re the only person I let teach me anything about workouts.
Because I mostly just tell people that I’d rather have a nap. Apparently that isn’t a sign of motivation?
And I’m totally addicted to Walking Dead. Half because I yell at it when they make stupid decisions, and half because, well, Norman Reedus (Daryl!). Mostly Norman Reedus 😉
❤ ❤ ❤
Only 3 days to goooooo!!! Woop woop! I honestly can't wait to find out what happens next!!!! You have to definitely make a post on that too 😀 xoxoxoxoxoxo
Cut me and I’m pretty sure I’d bleed caffeine too!
I loved the gummy bears when I was little! But unfortunately, I am yet to find a drink that makes me bounce around like that. Red Bull used to come close, before they took all the good stuff out of it
Haha, that would definitely be a crisis for me. I’m not sure I’d make it through the day 🙂
I barely did!