Someone Hid the Coffee and I Think the World May End

I am not known for my glowing morning-person personality. I am, however, a known coffee-holic.*
*Also cake-holic, marshmallow-holic, one-more-glass-of-wine-holic…Basically, I should be in a lot of Anonymous programs.

Must....reach...delicious...zzzzzzz....

In retrospect, my life would be easier in the morning if I started keeping my coffee pot on the floor.

It’s the sweet nectar that lures me out of bed in the morning and the bribe I use to transform myself into a professional human being on work days. It is the difference between me staring blankly at the wall for half an hour and me writing a blog post.

In short, it is the breath of life. It is my Gummiberry Juice.

They are the gummi beeeeeeaaarrrs!

This is your obscure 80s/early 90s cartoon reference for the day.
Click for image source.

And this morning I did not wake up in time to make any coffee.** That shouldn’t be a problem. I work in a professional office with a fancy break room full of snacks and coffee-making things. So really, on mornings when I don’t make coffee, it’s just a short walk to work before I can have some nestled in my hands.
**I did not make it out of the shower in a reasonable amount of time, and was forced to choose between putting on clothes or making coffee. It was not an easy decision, and I regret the choice I made.

But apparently not today.

WHYYYYYYY?! (KAAAHHHHNNNN!)

WHO DID THIS TERRIBLE THING?!

Today there is no coffee in the break room. Today, the fancy Keurig, source of all life in the office, sits idle. Someone unpacked the shipment of coffee somewhere secret and hidden. It may be a social experiment. It may be an act of aggression. It may just be general cruelty.

But I think it is an act of war.

And so, since I watched entirely too many episodes of The Walking Dead this week***, I am probably going to go to jail.
***Not true. Not possible. Just stick with me here people. Sometimes humor requires some mandatory exaggeration.

I am a great zombie

This is how TV has taught me to cope with things.

If you’ve never watched the Gummi Bears, a product of Disney’s imagination and corporate greed, then you should probably watch this. It’s the intro, and it sums the whole thing up nicely. “Hey kids! Learn that bouncing a lot and drinking sugar water is a great way to win EVERYTHING!”

Disney says you’re welcome, parents of the world.

25 thoughts on “Someone Hid the Coffee and I Think the World May End

  1. Coffee pot timers are a blessing. Mine goes off while I am in the shower and when I am running out of the door to work I grab a quick mug and go. I’m in love with a timer. I’d hug it…seriously.

    • You are much more timer-successful than I am. When I set the timer, I forget to put the coffee things in, and end up with an angry coffee pot. When I intend to set the timer and put all the coffee things together, I forget to set the timer entirely.

      I need lessons. Help.

  2. 0_0 If that happened in at my work, there would be a mutiny. Our bosses just bought us a new three pot coffee pot for our break room. And they have the environmental service people stock not one, but two cans of unopened coffee in the cabinets to avoid a total staff melt down. Hope you found some life blood eventually!

  3. A similar thing happened to me once and carnage ensued. After that day I swore coffee would never control me again and I switched to decaff. It was easy. After the first week of HELL. (Caps necessary)

    • LOL! Well I’m glad he may FINALLY understand. Also, I’m glad you’re obsessed with me, because I’m totally obsessed with you. Honestly, you’re the only person I let teach me anything about workouts.

      Because I mostly just tell people that I’d rather have a nap. Apparently that isn’t a sign of motivation?

      And I’m totally addicted to Walking Dead. Half because I yell at it when they make stupid decisions, and half because, well, Norman Reedus (Daryl!). Mostly Norman Reedus 😉

  4. I loved the gummy bears when I was little! But unfortunately, I am yet to find a drink that makes me bounce around like that. Red Bull used to come close, before they took all the good stuff out of it :/

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