I Am Totally Prepared for Our Robot Overlords

Or: This Post Is Going to Talk about a Lot of Geeky Things and You Might Judge Me

I know I keep it pretty under wraps, but you may have guessed that I’m kind of an enormous nerd.* I read geeky books, and I’m in love with science. I can talk philosophically about unicorns and dragons and dinosaurs. I play a lot of video games. I watch a lot of action movies and science fiction.
*If you happen to be dating me at this moment, or have just met me and have fallen for my suave act of awesomeness, please stop reading this right now. I’m totally cool and normal. For sure. Go sports teams!

What this all boils down to is one thing: I think I am totally prepared for our future robot overlords.

Have a hug of war, not a tug of war

No, I cannot draw robot hands. And yes, he has four fingers on purpose. How many fingers do YOUR robot overlords have? Go ahead. Count. It’s four.

I know some people aren’t looking forward to the future. I mean, we already haven’t gotten the flying skateboards we were promised by Back to the Future.** So the future can seem like a little bit of a letdown. But one thing all predictions of the future seem to include are robots. We’re already making them (thanks, Japan!), they’re already kicking butt at Jeopardy (thanks, Watson!), and we’re totally using them to perform surgery magic (thanks, medical science! …No, really. I mean it.).
**We’re flying car-less, too. And none of us normal people have jet packs. Basically, we’ve been lied to a lot about the future giving us lots of ways to defy gravity. I’m outraged by the fact that I’m still required to walk places and have not been able to melt into a Wall-e style space blob. OUTRAGED.

I don't know how to skateboard

It doesn’t even really help if you make flying noises.

But all of Hollywood has convinced us that robots are going to develop sentience and rebel against mankind. Some people are worried about this.*** Not me, though. Because I have officially watched enough movies to know that this whole “robot rebellion” thing happens because we aren’t nice enough to all the robots.
***I’m not going to name names here or anything, but you know who you are.

Me and mah robot friends...

YAY! Robot friends!
Watson is not a very good dancer.

Think about it. Skynet/Cyberdine (we’re talking about the Terminator movies here) was full of roboty slaves that culminated in a horrendous judgment day. In AI, robots are cool as long as we love them, but then we neglect them and everything goes wrong. In Portal, well, a lady gets forcibly dumped into a mega-powered robot body for the continuation of science. What this tells me is that robots probably be more ok with things if we’d just given them a day off or two. And probably a hug.

So I’m all set to hug robots when they hit the mainstream. It’ll probably help make them nicer overlords.

And they might even build me a flying skateboard.


“Flying skateboard” sounds more fun than “hoverboard.” Just accept it.

(I really wanted to write about the Olympics today, but since everything that happened last night is currently living on my DVR because I went to yoga, I had to get a little off topic. And learn how to draw robots. Which was difficult****. See the things I do for you? It’s because I care. You’re welcome.)
****Not really, because when you doodle things on post-its, no one expects high art.

15 thoughts on “I Am Totally Prepared for Our Robot Overlords

  1. Awesome, awesome post. I too am bitter about the lack of flying cars and moving sidewalks. And yes, when it comes to robot overlords, all we need is love. They’re stronger and faster then us, so let’s do the smart thing and be nice to them.

    P.S. Heh WordPress servers, thanks for transmitting this comment. You rock!

    • We ❤ you, WordPress servers.

      Exactly. Your survival instincts are wise, and I predict we will be favorites of our robot rulers. Because we're good at love and sucking up.

      (Also, thanks!)

      (Also also, I love you, my computer-that-I-named-Kyle. Thanks for letting me type these posts and comments on you. Shout out!)

  2. We could totally avoid any hostile robot-takeovers just by creating each robot with a slot to insert cookies. I’m well-versed in putting cookies in a VCR, so I think I could be an official robot-cookie-feeder. YOU’RE WELCOME, HUMANITY.

    • You are totally a giver. I support this idea. Add some safety features, science!

      I couldn’t be the robot-cookie-feeder because I would eat all the cookies and the robots would take over anyway. Also, I would be so full of cookies I would be too slow to run away.

  3. The ginja is concerned by this… Machinery is a tool, how can it conquer man? The ginja must research “nerdiness” and “geek-stuff” to prepare for such a cataclysmic event.

    The ginja is, however, fully equipped in the case of a dragon waking from sleep to act vengeance upon her little river town. Or flying monkeys. She is ready for those.

    Also, if this post actually posts this time, it will be nothing short of a miracle. Technology hates the ginja.

  4. I can’t even……..
    And you’re totally right. Jet packs and flying cars, need to become common travel like ASAP. STAT. IMMEDIATELY!

  5. That bit about jetpacks reminded me of the band “We Were Promised Jetpacks”. There is no real point to my post, because I am a huge nerd too and just wanted to point out that I like that band. They are awesome and should be preserved for eternity by sticking their brains onto mechanical bodies of some sorts. I, for one, welcome our new robotic overlords. Or maybe they could be merged into one giant floating brain in a tank? No seriously, there is no point in this comment… why are you reading this? Ahhh…..

  6. Pingback: Technology Is Starting to Ruin My Understanding of…Technology | Perpetual Plot Hole

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