Or: Why I Achieve My Best Zen Rocking Out to Journey in My Car
I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions*, but I like to think that January is a nice time to make healthy life changes.** So I talked one of my friends into investing in yoga classes with me. Because yoga isn’t as fun if you don’t drag people into awkward poses WITH you.
*Not true. I make all kinds of resolutions. I resolve to eat all the chocolate in my pantry. I resolve to talk to my cat only when no one else is around. I resolve to close my blinds before I dance around my apartment in my dinosaur costume.
It’s just that I can’t keep any of them, so I like to pretend I never make them.
**Shop all the “health and fitness deals” on Groupon.
Yesterday was our first class.
Things started well. I arrived on early***. As I pulled into a parking space, the sweet melodies of Journey started to play on my radio. So, obviously, I put the car in park, cranked the volume up to 11, and proceeded to rock out like I had a perm in my hair and was wearing spandex pants.****
***This is nothing short of a miracle. Just ask anyone who knows me.
****I really was wearing spandex pants, guys! Because yoga! I am so prepared!
I preened as I exited the car and found the right part of the building for zen and stretching.
And as we got our mats and positioned ourselves in the room, I was strong in the confidence that I’d done this before, and there was only one guy in the class, so how much could I possibly embarrass myself?
So much, you guys.
Somehow, despite my efforts to end up in front of the instructor***** but away from the one guy in class, I ended up directly in front of the one guy. Which implies that I have more confidence in my yoga pants than I actually do. And then we started yoga-ing.
*****Because – let’s be honest – I need all the help I can get, you guys.
As it happens, I have no sense of balance.
No balance whatsoever. I’m not sure my yoga instructor knew anyone could be that awkward at yoga…
But she didn’t see my sweet in-car dance moves.
In short: I would probably be great at yoga if Journey was our background music.