I Do Not Understand People Who Flirt At the Gym

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Since I happen to think that cake and marshmallows are two of the essential food groups, it’s pretty important that I hit the gym on a regular basis.*
*When I feel like it and am not busy eating cake and marshmallows.

Nutrients are for the weak

This is why I go to the gym.

Which means that when I go to the gym, I’m going to burn as many calories as humanly possible**. I’m not going to flirt. I’m not even going to make eye contact with people, just in case they might later recognize me in public after having seen me at the gym.
**So I can eat cake for dinner.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. I have cute workout clothes. They make me feel perky and healthy and dedicated to running.
A miracle, because I hate running. I hate it with the fire of a thousand suns.

Workout pants are almost as cute as yoga pants

Facial enthusiasm in this image is provided for demonstration purposes only, and in no way accurately reflects my face on the way to go work out.

And everything goes well for a little while. Running feels freeing and joyous, and I periodically think I must look very charming and possible flirt-with-able.

But this is still better than my attempt at drawing an elliptical

Clearly I have no idea how to draw a treadmill.

But then things take a turn.

I should have drawn an elliptical

Seriously. That doesn’t look at ALL like a treadmill.

And then things start to get sweaty…

This is probably because I hate treadmills.

I have drawn the biggest treadmill in all the land.

And by the time I’ve successfully finished my run, I look inches away from death.

Seriously. This is an awkward treadmill

Do your treadmills not beep to signify the end of your torture? It’s like angels are singing.

And guys, I am not the only one. The gym is full of people who look like they might have a stroke at any moment, smell like a melting foot, and are huffing and wheezing like asthmatic bears.

Hurray!

YES! I didn’t have to draw a treadmill for this one!

This is not conducive to flirting.

And yet, every time I go work out, I see women batting their eyelashes at weight-lifting men, and men flexing extra for women strolling on the ellipticals****. This is not what the gym is for, people.
****And men flexing extra for other men while lifting weights. That happens, too. None of you are off the hook here.

It’s for looking like you might die so you can have wine and cake for dinner.

Mmmmmmm

360 thoughts on “I Do Not Understand People Who Flirt At the Gym”

  4. Oh how this made me giggle 😉 thanks for brightening up my day before its even begun. Reading this is like being a fly on the wall at my own gym session. I would need to add in a few girls with there flowing hair extensions swinging whilst they walk (slowy) on a neighbouring treadmill chatting to the PT that there not paying but still seem to have their attention for a full hour!

    Love your treadmill by the way 😉

    Reply

  6. Awesome post!
    I view working out like you do… as a punishment… no a necessity, that’s a better way to put it. A necessity to balance my calorie intake versus my calorie burn…
    I’ve always envied the people who apparently “love” fitness, those kind of people who’s Facebook/Twitter page is full of “…has just check in to *local gym*.” How do they stay motivated? how do they renounce cake, good wine and even… Ben&Jerry’s? I used to think that it couldn’t be me, but yesterday I think I unlocked the key to motivation! I’ve recently started to set weekly goals for myself, but I quickly lost the motivation, and found myself laying on the sofa watching reruns of the mentalist… Yesterday I came up with the idea to post my goals in a blog, and hopefully get a couple of followers to share these goals with. Hopefully these potential followers will share their goals with me as well, so that we can motivate and support each other!
    This is only an idea in the making right now, but I hope it ends up being a source of motivation and support for myself and others.

    It would certainly give me a better excuse for drinking more wine and eating more cake….

    Reply

    • I think that’s a great idea. My current motivation is my absolute refusal to buy new clothes. Therefore, if the clothes don’t fit, then I won’t have anything to wear to work and then won’t have a job and won’t be able to afford cake and wine.

      It’s surprisingly effective. Your way is definitely more practical though!

      Reply

  9. Pingback: Shhhhh...! (A Cup of Emotions and Thoughts)

  10. Smile. Cute gym cartoons. Here is what I will never understand. Those “muscle” men or “macho men” who park in the nearby parking lot instead of taking the outer parking lot. Go figure. They come to exercise, to or to lose weight or to build muscle and they haven’t figured out that by parking further away they can use their “walking” muscles. Our recreation center has two parking lots, one closer to the gym building and one further away. I’m thinking if I had the muscle I would take the outer parking lot and leave the closer spaces to those who can’t quite make that long walk. (There are other activities in the building besides gym; there’s art, computer, ping pong and lots more). This is not a complaint but just a thought, just a “wonder why?”

    Reply

    • Oh, I see that all the time! I park as far away as possible because I want bonus calories burned…but I know some people are not lovers of cardio and want to be IN THE WORKOUT right away. Or maybe it’s cold outside and all that muscle is not good padding? It’s a mystery.

      Reply

  12. I love your post! I had a problem with this last year. I frequent the YMCA 4 times a week at 6am. I don’t wear cute workout clothes but just a sports bra, t-shirt, headband, and track pants. When I workout I really push myself and concentrate on my workout. Last year there was this guy who kept trying to make eye contact with me and also tried to talk to me by getting on the elliptical machine next to me. (That’s another pet peeve of mine is when there are plenty of ellptical machine’s in a room and someone has to get on the one next to me to chat.) I kept ignoring him and focusing on my workout. Finally in December he gave up and I haven’t really seen him since. Other people may think that attention is flattering but when I’m at the gym I don’t want to be hit up by anyone when I’m in my worst, sweaty condition.

    Reply

  15. What I don’t understand is why Everyone at the gym Is Not flirting! I mean, we are human beings, if your sweating, your giving off pheromones, if your giving off pheromones, you are at the very least chemically attracting the opposite sex, so based on simple chemistry, you Must flirt, or you are fighting the natural laws of being human!)

    Reply

    • Call me a law-breaker, because by the time I’m panting and wheezing, I’m more interested in my bed than another human being being IN my bed 😉 But I tip my hat to those who get a different rush at the gym.

      Reply

  16. Some people are social at the gym, others aren’t. It shouldn’t be looked down upon to flirt at the gym. To each his own. If a guy flirts with you at the gym, politely tell him you’re not there to talk to anyone. Don’t give evil stares or anything. Kindness can take you a long way. Now if he’s obnoxious and rude, that’s a different story. Some people genuinely just want to meet like minded people. This is how gym partners come together. Now they can motivate one another to stay for 🙂 everyone wins

    Reply

    • Oh, I’m totally cool with that 🙂 Part of writing for humor is selecting one perspective to focus on. I, for one, work out until I look like death, and I know that’s not a look that is going to get hit on. And I’m not expecting to flirt. But I know there are people who love the gym for flirting – and more power to you guys!

      Reply

  17. You don’t understand it because you’re a girl who’s been brainwashed by feminism. The gym is a vigorous, physical place with lots of active, healthy bodies. Guys NATURALLY think of sex there, and then flirt. I bet there’s a lot of other things you don’t understand about guys as well.

    Reply

    • “Brainwashed by feminism” is an interesting and highly aggressive statement to roll with. I’m pretty sure that’s a stance, and there is a wide variety of times people feel attractive and like flirting. I’d say you’re looking at this from a different perspective, where people who have been working out hard are flirting because of increased endorphins and a general attraction to that vigorous, flushed look. But all things considered, people feel attractive at different points. I don’t feel attractive or like I can get a good workout if I’m distracted by whether the girl in perfect makeup next to me is strolling along to catch the eye of a man who is there to just try and look like he’s working out to pick up a girl.

      Of course there are things I don’t understand about guys. I’m not a guy. That limits my contextual understanding.

      I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of things you’re writing off based on feeling attacked by assumptions. It’s ok, dude. I promise you can flirt with girls at the gym without me making a single comment about you, specifically.

      Reply

      • Well, easy for some. But the truth is, we all have our weirdo tastes. It’s cool – and impressive – if a guy think’s I’m the bee’s knees when I think I look my worst. It just also happens to be when I’m thinking way more about falling over in my shower than flirting back. 🙂

  18. Where is your makeup honey? :)) Tons of foundation, glittery eyeshadows and red lipstick, I am going to the gym. Trust me, I’ve seen it. Gym is for sweating guys, not flirting 🙂

    Reply

    • Heeheehee. I completely agree. But now I think I want to go all covered in glitter just once, and do a super-hard workout, so I can show girls how scary it looks to look like makeup-over-death 😉

      Reply

  20. This totally cracked me up. You are spot on though, this is often the case with people at my gym. Not so long ago whilst getting changed in the changing rooms I witnessed a woman putting ON make-up to go work out. Needless to say she did a slight stroll on the treadmill for half an hour and didn’t work up one bead of sweat! Maybe the gym is the new ‘bar’? The place to go to meet potentials!

    P.S – Drawings are amazing!

    Reply

    • Oh man. Can’t we just start making it ok for people to wear workout gear to gyms? That way they can flirt in spandex, but I can workout without fear of looking like a sweaty leper around gorgeously made up women.

      Thank you!

      Reply

  30. That was so full of fun loving point of view from a Gym goer.

    I understand why you people attend the gym on a regular basis – you lot have totally redesigned the food pyramid. You’re addicted to luxury food!

    Did you also know that you’re killing yourself if you’re running everyday. Every pounding you make on the ground exerts so much pressure and weight on your knees and when age catches up, the first thing that goes is the knees.

    Healthy eating!

    Reply

    • But what’s the fun in life if I can’t have marshmallows as a dinner food? The horror! 🙂 And it’s true, it’s all about a healthy-food-and-exercise balance. Buuuuttttt for me…well…cake!

      Reply

  35. Yep! At my age while I’m on top of a Bosu ball getting my gluts to fire is not the time to come up and say, “Oh, I’ve not seen you before. What’s your sign?” Good post! Thank you.

    Reply

    • Because “what’s your sign” always works as a pickup line. It’s really what convinces the ladies that you are an adult man ready for romance. Thanks for coming by to read! 🙂

      Reply

  36. You just became my New Best Friend.

    I am a proud Gym Rat. Not an attractive one. I don’t care what I look like at the gym. Probably like a cat that just got screwed over a garbage can. Whatever.

    In my Very First Post, I wrote about a panicked call I made from the gym – to my then husband- convinced that the gym was a Stripper Gym. That’s how dolled up all the chicks were. So, that’s half the problem.

    And, of course, the other half is the men. Thinking it’s the cheaper, un-digitalized version of Match.com. “Mind if I chat with you?”

    Yes, yes I do. I’m training for a half marathon and trying to keep my heart from exploding, assclown!

    Following you. Every day.

    Reply

    • YAY! I love being a New Best Friend. I take my responsibilities in this role very seriously.

      Also, I love the idea that there are real places that are “Stripper Gyms”, because I picture people running in crazy high heels covered in glitter and that brings joy to my life.

      I’m super impressed with your dedicated gym-rat-ness, but I’m more excited that we’re now friends 4 life.

      Reply

      • It wasn’t a stripper gym! It just looked like one! Women, all dolled up and ready to get hit on! Silly!

        I need more cool WP friends. Yay, us!!

        And congrats on getting FP’d!!

    • This is an untruth. I am never pretty at the gym. All the pretty ladies are showered and loitering in unsweaty places like coffee shops.

      I find your gym-related-attractiveness optimism to be uplifting.

      Reply

  45. Haha I love the last illustration. I just started getting back into working out and eating right, and found this weirdly uplifting =)

    Reply

  47. This is great! I have pondered many of these same things myself whilst suffering at the gym. First of all there is nothing attractive about someone who is covered in residual sludge and smells like a shingles ridden octopus. Secondly, if you’re not so enraged about being at the gym that you’re literally hoping for your own death, then there is either something wrong with you or you’re not actually working out (thereby rendering you a certified douche, or a perpetual elliptical enthusiast – the choice is yours). Thirdly and unrelated to my first two points…amazing drawings! They really do capture the essence of unadulterated gym-inspired despair and hatred!! Enjoy the cake and marshmallows!

    Reply

    • “Smells like a shingles ridden octopus” is my new favorite (super accurate) gym-smell descriptor. It’s kind of the best thing ever. Also, your second point is how I feel about being at the gym ALL THE TIME. And thank you for the flattery 🙂 I’m glad you stopped by to read!

      Reply

  49. You had me at Cake and Marshmallows.

    (I have, however, replaced marshmallows with ice cream. Maybe that’s a product of age? I am a late 20-something.)

    Congrats on being freshly pressed! I’m glad to have found your blog.

    Reply

    • I’m a late 20-something too….and ice cream makes the list a lot. The only reason marshmallows win is I learned how to make homemade marshmallows and they taste like happy clouds and angels singing.

      Thank you SO much for stopping by and reading! 🙂 And for the congrats. I’m SO excited!

      Reply

      • oooooh. HOMEMADE marshmallows. That’s on a whole new level of awesome.I’ve eaten homemade marshmallows and thought they were heaven on a pedestal (which is ironic you said clouds and angels singing…it MUST BE TRUE.)

        I approve.

      • I highly recommend them. They’re not that hard to make, and there’s like a zillion different recipes – so lots of chances to find exactly the ones that meet your cravings. They are so, so sooooo one of my favorite foods.

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