Dating Is Really Complicated

I know it may be hard to believe*, but I generally don’t spend a whole lot of my time dating. I mean, I can indulge in online dating with the best of them, but that’s never really worked out in my favor in the long run. I’m not very good at convincing the male half of the population that I am mysterious and date-able.
*Unless you’ve been reading this blog for a while.

Apparently guys don’t have a resounding appreciation for spontaneous sock puppet shows. I wish someone had told me.

But every now and then, a guy comes along that convinces me that dating is absolutely fun and worthwhile.

I don't know what you mean. I am totally normal.

What? Doesn’t every girl stand with her hands behind her back all the time?

Being asked out is fun. It’s exciting and fills the world with all sorts of possibilities. But then, trouble strikes.

Trouble always seems to strike me in the form of complicated hair products.

There is always a flurry of activity as I try to remember how to be a real girl – one who has a working knowledge of eyelash curlers and a steady hand at eyeliner and mysteriously perfectly white teeth.

This is an accurate depiction of date preparation. Sometimes there are injuries.

All of this is to achieve the apparent goal of looking like a perfect stranger by the time the aforementioned guy comes to pick me up.

I think the goal really might be to convince guys that we women are magicians.

I do not know why this is. I have to assume it’s not just me who does this. But either way – dating is really confusing and complicated and requires a remarkable amount of preparation.

So maybe some day I’ll actually date someone long enough to just stay in.

This ALSO explains a lot about my lovelife.

Because it is very important to judge dates based on their sock puppet skills.

11 thoughts on “Dating Is Really Complicated”

Awwww… When you meet the right guy, he’ll be very lucky! ❤

Stratafied

January 20, 2014 at 4:57 pm

Thanks! I don’t know what I’ll do with all that free time replacing the masochistic toils of straightening my already-straight-but-not-straight-enough hair and endlessly trying to figure out how to successfully curl my eyelashes.

Seriously. I have like, seven eyelash curlers and I have only ever attempted eyelash curling once. It’s like people are trying to give me a hint.

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- candies & crunches
  
  January 20, 2014 at 5:25 pm
  
  Darling, you will be stuck in the kitchen making your beau supper! DAH! Haha!
- Stratafied
  
  January 20, 2014 at 5:28 pm
  
  I think that might be overly hopeful thinking for any of my potential beaus….Unless they want marshmallows. I am SUPER good at making marshmallows! 😉
- candies & crunches
  
  January 20, 2014 at 6:26 pm
  
  Lol

I am totally guilty of this! I have this crazy curly mop of hair and wear light make up, but, whenever I would have a date, I would spend hours attempting to tame my tresses into a sleek pin-straight look and plastering my eyes with liner. I still do it when I go to weddings. And, inevitably, at least one person who I know will fully ignore me because they don’t recognize me, which is totally awkward.

At least I know how to put on a good disguise for my future spy missions?

Stratafied

January 21, 2014 at 9:22 am

It’s a pretty essential life skill. I mean, if we’re not preparing for future spy missions, then we’ll all be caught unawares, and that would be tragic for the future of spontaneous spying.

Also, I kind of think that this is all practice for wedding preparations, when we ladies let other people do our hair, cake on photogenic makeup, and plot to lose like, 30 pounds before the big day. Honestly, every now and then I think the bride should walk down the aisle and hand over her ID, just in case her groom doesn’t recognize her.

Admittedly, this is totally my secret wedding plan, too. Because I want my future husband to know how good at spying I am.

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