Or: I Was Going to Write about More Tragic Tales of Failed Romance, but then THIS Happened
It’s no secret – I’m sick this week. I got laid low by what I like to call “horrible death cold” somewhere around Saturday night, and now, by Wednesday, I like to think I’m all better.
Woo!
But I’m not.
Huh?
It’s a lie. It’s cold medicine.
Oh Dammit.
I woke up this morning feeling spectacular.
It feels really spectacular to breathe after four days of being unable to breathe.
I almost acted like a morning person. I showered and brushed my teeth and flitted around without even the help of coffee. Because I had AIR. Air was my new best friend. It gave me super powers. It made me feel like I was fueled on sunshine and happiness.*
*Which isn’t really helpful today, since the Queen City is preparing for a snowpocalypse today. There’s no sunshine to be had.
It’s a true love. And unbreakable love. A love that lasts until death.
In my bliss, I completely forgot exactly how much cold medicine I’d layered on myself last night. Specifically, I forgot the sweet blessing of 12-hour Afrin.** Which I used last night, specifically because I was completely unable to breathe at all, and without breathing, there would be no sleep.
**Which is the divine gift to sick people.
Can you hear the angels singing? It’s really evil malicious laughter.
I know this, because now that I am at work, officially far away from life-saving congestion-fighters and medicine of any kind, I cannot breathe at all and am once again convinced I am so sick I may die.
Must…breathe…ack…
Not funny, medicine. Not funny at all.
Side note: The product placement in this post didn’t benefit me in any way at all. I’m just being honest about the medicine that conned me into thinking I was well just long enough for me to go to work.
Perpetual Plot Hole 
Contract or no, I will not bow to any sponsor…unless it was Nuprin. Ah, Nuprin. Little. Yellow. Different. Wait, is that even on the market anymore?
I think you can get it in those scary tiny-town drugstores where medicine options still include laudnum. So, totally!
Mmm…Nuprin…
it always gets me like this too…I think I am better and do something energetic…then realise I have made things worse!
So. Much. Worse.
You are so so right. 🙂
Something about stuffy office air that makes it worse…hope you are able to breathe soon!
Thanks 🙂 I’ve invested in some nice steamy tea and now that the snowpocalypse is finally upon my city, I ran back home into good humidified air.
Poor little thing! I honestly hope you get well soon Cait! However, I must admit, despite your inability to breeze, I laughed through the entire post! *Fine, I do feel bad about laughing at your misfortune!!!* And those skipping pictures reminded me of my puppy who is happy go lucky at all times 😀
xoxo
Olena
🙂 Don’t feel bad even slightly – because I am totally laughing at myself the ENTIRE TIME. I have to share my silliness with everyone – and I’m SO happy when it makes you giggle…And I totally skip like that in real life. I’m only slightly ashamed to admit that in a public forum 🙂
And I’m a THOUSAND times better today! Thanks for the well-wishes! ❤
Woop woop!
Afrin is cold crack. And it’s oh so amazing! Until it lets me down, and then it’s the evil incarnate until I can find where ever it was I left it in my last cold-induced stupor and breathe sweet relief from both sides of my nose again.
I’ve truly bought a ridiculous number of Afrin bottles because every time I get sick, I lose them and want to die. Trying to find them is merciless, evil torture. 🙂
Isn’t breathing the best?!
Oh my goodness! After reading the title I was hooked and the rest was even better. I had this same experience a couple of weeks ago. I do not have your talent in making it such a funny experience!
Oh man. I am SO glad I’m not the only one who does this. I completely delude myself into thinking I’m 100% healthy…and then that 12 hour timeline runs out…
I’m glad to share a giggle 🙂 And I love your blog!
And that’s why it should be socially acceptable to keep a fully stocked drawer of pharmaceuticals at work.
And wine, because that stuff is definitely medicinal, too.
I completely concur. If I can’t have my own little version of the pharmacy in arm’s reach, how am i supposed to get anything done during flu season?!
Wine: It’s practically fruit juice, and everyone knows juice is DEFINITELY good for you. Grapes have antioxidants and stuff. It’s just juice that makes you feel better RIGHT AWAY 😉
The first line on my mobile version read “It’s no secret – I’m sick this week. I got laid” and I was hopeful to get a post about flowing body fluids. Well, you didn’t disappoint. 😉 Get well soon.
Oh Dan. I nominate you king of all the comments on my blog, because this made me laugh tea up my nose – which is gross, but contextually appropriate.
🙂
I shall wear this crown with pride and a cute pink tutu.
As well you should. Because that’s what being king means.