I Am the Last Single Girl in My Pride* of Ladyfriends

Or: Change Happens and Sometimes Makes It Weird to Talk about Dating

*Yes. Girls roam in prides, like lion(esse)s.

I’m not the fastest at making female friends, but the ones I have are pretty out-freakin’-standing. (Note: Earlier, autocorrect decided I wanted to say my ladyfriends were “commonplace.” This is not true. Autocorrect is a hurtful liar who does not want you to know the truth. My friends are AH-MAY-ZING.) And when we were younger, the vast majority of us were single at the same time.

Meeee-yow. Riiigghtt?

I think I should mention very few of these stick figures look anything like my friends

Over time, things began to change. Some friends began to get married.

Duuuun-dun-dun-dun-duuuunnn-dun. Dun, dah-dah-dah-duuuunnn.

Yes. I do picture all brides in princess dresses and tiaras. Because tiaras.

Others began to pair off into unified “we” relationships.

Prepare for a hell of joint apartment hunting!

I am going to lose “serious boyfriend doodling” privileges, I just know it.

And if you move around a lot, like I do, you also get to meet all new friends that are already couples.** It’s two friends for the price of one!
**Bonus life fact: If you make friends with people who are already married, you never have to buy them a wedding present!

But you also may just discover, quite suddenly, that you are the only single person you know.

Hellllooo...elllooo...ello....

This pose just looks silly without other people around. And, well, with other people around.

One by one, my ladyfriends became coupled. I am ecstatic that they’ve found such incredible partners, and have moved into the exciting, couple-y phase of life. But it’s weird to be the last single one. For one thing, my dating problems become “cute.”

Awful. Just...awful.

And awkward. It was also awkward. Because this really happened. He told me I should “give them out to my friends.”

And sometimes it is hard to understand couple-ed person problems, because it’s been a long time since I’ve been part of a serious couple.

This is a valid problem

Not that I would ever leave dishes in the sink, or anything. My life is super clean and organized. Definitely. Just, uh. Call before you come over.

We’re friends, but we’re in different phases of life. Like flowers. Or bananas. Or people.

Or upside down. I possibly watched a special on bananas so I could understand banana spiders, and am playing dumb here.

I clearly have no idea what banana tree-bushes look like. That’s how those grow, right? Also, I am not implying that “splotchy and gross” or “missing petals” is the couple/married phase of life. It’s just as likely to be the single phase because people are not bananas or flowers, but they are fun to draw,

I love my pride of ladyfriends as much as always. They’re awesome. But it’s super hard to gossip about the ridiculous issues of being single in your (mid) late 20s…when you’re the only one being single in your (mid) late 20s. Because, well, they can be pretty ridiculous issues.

Honesty is the best medicine. Also, fight-starter

At least we can all talk about how silly we are.

But they’re also kind of important issues, too. So just remember: Let your friends rant. Whether they’re single, or they’re couple-ed. Because that’s what it means to be a pride***.
***I know, I know. If ladies form prides, what are groups of guyfriends?
Wolfpacks. Duh.

36 thoughts on “I Am the Last Single Girl in My Pride* of Ladyfriends

  1. Totally get it…30s are even worse. You actually contemplate asking friends to set you up only to realize that most of their friends are also couples or recently going through a divorce, and while I have no qualms about dating a divorced guy recently divorced is rough. :/

    • I remember a time when I wasn’t asking people to set me up. And then came the recent years, when I look hopelessly at my friends, throw my hands up in the air, and ask “why am I the ONLY single person you know?!”

      Recently divorced is very rough. Takes a brave woman to brave that minefield…

  2. This made me laugh so much! I really love your pictures! And for the record, I live with my boyfriend and have been married before and honestly, I know no more about men than you do! I still spend an enormous amount of time trying to guess what my boyfriend is thinking and how much he likes me and if perhaps we’ll ever get married…. x

    • Oh, man. Why is dating and romance such a treacherous world? I mean, we’ve all had years of practice, and generations have done it before us. Shouldn’t we all have this down to a science at this point?

      Also, I always catch myself being somehow more interested in what a guy thinks about me, than what I’m thinking about him. How does that even make sense?

      • I don’t think the generations before us put much thought into it… I mean, they met a guy at 16, got married at 18 and popped out a couple of kids. She stayed at home and cooked and cleaned, he went to work and now they are celebrating 60 years together!

        We spend so much time worrying about what a guy thinks and analysing everything he says and does and half the time we cause our own problems! We imagine he’s going to do a certain thing, and we end up causing arguments before he’s even done it!

        Maybe we should chill more and just go with it?? x

  3. Lol, if it makes you feel better, most of my girlfriends are younger than me, and are married and/or in a relationship… While, I’m just alone with my dog, school and work..

  4. Dating is confusing. I am terrible at reading men. I’m on the verge of slipping a mood ring on every guy at the start of the date so I’m less confused about if he’s in to me or not.

    • YES. I would just like a man-translator to attend dates with he, so no further interpretation through the crazy filter of my brain will be required.

      For example:

      He says: “I’m going to have pizza.”
      What the girl thinks that means: “He wants to share food! Oh no – what if we don’t like the same things on pizza? Maybe he likes anchovies and this is the worst date ever, oh my gawd.”
      What the translator will clarify: “He really likes pizza and would like to eat it for dinner.”

      Problems = solved.

      • I’d be down to join in on that.
        p.s. I’m always up for a bad-date rant.
        p.p.s. you haven’t hit rock bottom until your mother forces you to attend a Bachelor Auction and offers to pay up to $300 for you to bid on someone.
        p.p.p.s. and even THAT date flopped*.
        *because the bachelor got a girlfriend prior to the date

  5. It’s super easy to be confused when you’re a single gal. I still get excited over being the first one to get texted, or for HIM to initiate plans and so on…I mean not like that’s happening right now but IF IT WERE:) Love your blog!

  6. I feel your pain. I am currently the only single person in my pride as well….and I just passed my 40th year of life (at some point that I cannot reveal). The bad thing is that by this time, I am thinking I might be just fine being the only single person I know………minus the fact that I am like the odd man out EVERY single time I hang with any of my friends! However, it does keep my anti-social skills honed to perfection! I don’t hate it all the time. 🙂

    • Honestly, sometimes there is nothing more fulfilling than running through your home/apartment/living space cackling and declaring “ALL THIS IS MINE.”

      Wait, is that just me?

    • I have no idea what broccoli looks like when it’s growing, which makes me feel like such a sheltered city child…Peppers and tomatoes, sure. But broccoli?

      The only thing I ACTUALLY know about bananas is the bunch grows upside down. And they grow in places too hot for me to live.

      Also, bananas are delicious.

      • We had no idea either. It was kind of like cabbage in a way. There is the broccoli had and leaves all around it. The coolest part was when we didn’t harvest it in time and all the little “green things” (I don’t know what they’re called, but they’re on the crown-the part that you eat. Why is this so hard to describe?) well they opened into little yellow flowers. Who knew??

  7. “**Bonus life fact: If you make friends with people who are already married, you never have to buy them a wedding present!”

    Haha, so awesome! You’re very funny. ^^

    I can’t add anymore to this post, sadly. I’m one of those taken people. But I love the way you write!

    • Ha! Thank you so much for the compliment, and for reading – I’m always glad to share a giggle.

      I’m sure you’ve got your fair share of stories from the taken end of things!

  8. Pingback: Happy Valentines Day, Internet | Perpetual Plot Hole

  9. Pingback: How to Lose Friends and Alienate Your Loved Ones | Perpetual Plot Hole

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