How to Successfully Internet Stalk* Someone Who Makes Chocolate.
I’m not saying I did this personally. I’m also not NOT saying I did this personally. I’m just here to provide helpful instructions, y’all.
Step 1: Google store where the Chocolate is Made.
Step 2: Find the Facebook page of the Store Where the Chocolate Is Made.
Step 3: Realize the stupid store has a separate Facebook page from the People Who Make the Chocolate
Step 4: Find the Facebook page of the Chocolate-Making People
Step 5: Hunt through the photos to find his name
Step 6: Facebook search for the name you deviously and craftily discovered.
Step 7: Be endlessly confused by his profile picture, and be crushed by the factual discovery that obviously you are only attracted to weirdos.
Step 8: Ignore all of that, because mother%$#@!, he makes CHOCOLATE
Step 9: Google therapists, because you’ve obviously gone off the deep end.
Step 10: Buy a candy bar.
Step 11: Tell the Internet about that time you used the Internet for evil. Because you are quietly horrified at all the things the Internet can do.
*Don’t do this. For one thing, it’s totally bananas. For another thing, it’s creepy.**
**Seriously? No. Stop Googling people who make chocolate. This is a bad plan. I was having a weak*** moment.
***Hungry. A hungry moment.