It Does Not Matter How Fancy I Dress in the Morning

I will not make it to work in the same condition.

For the first time in my life, my place of employment is now in a proper downtown area.* This is a new development – today was my very first day working downtown.
*We’ve spoken before about how I totally live in a real city, with big tall buildings and things. We call our downtown “uptown,” because in the South, we like to confuse outsiders.

Which means I spent extra time this morning dressing up all slick and business-y. You know, so I could fit in with all the other highly professional and snappily dressed adults.

See? There’re business heels and a business coat, and even business hair. I’ve got this “professional” thing down.

See? There’re business heels and a business coat, and even business hair. I’ve got this “professional” thing down.

But little did I know that the universe was conspiring against me. I’d made resolutions to eat healthy foods and avoid the costly temptations of a downtown diet. I’d packed salad in my bag for lunch, and yogurt for breakfast. Clearly, I was prepared for the onslaught of very-cool-things that metropolitan areas can offer.

Nope. No one is prepared to resist cookie smells.

Nope. No one is prepared to resist cookie smells.

It stopped me in my tracks. The sweet smells of baked treats and coffee slithered through the air like that hypnotic python in The Jungle Book.** They were calling to me.
**A source of many of my childhood nightmares,*** and therefore a perfect comparison.
***HE CAN HYPNOTIZE YOU WITH HIS SPINNING EYES!

I tried to resist them.

This is my “resisting” pose.

This is my “resisting” pose.

It was not effective.

This is my “totally not resisting” pose.

This is my “totally not resisting” pose.

Mostly because the sweet, sweet smells were leading me to my office building, y’all.

Smooshing your face up against the window glass of a fancy bakery is a very professional thing to do.

Smooshing your face up against the window glass of a fancy bakery is a very professional thing to do.

And so I went to my first meeting with a bag full of cookies and an extra-giant soy cappuccino.

Best. Meeting. Ever.

Best. Meeting. Ever.

Looking substantially less business-important than I did 20 minutes before that.

I’m taking this as a sign that the universe probably wants me to go completely broke, and live entirely on sugar.

This is a double-marshmallow rice krispy treat covered in CARAMEL CORN, guys,  _Caramel corn._

This is a double-marshmallow rice krispy treat covered in CARAMEL CORN, guys,
_Caramel corn._

I hear you, Universe.

19 thoughts on “It Does Not Matter How Fancy I Dress in the Morning

  1. I am suitably impressed that you even attempted to leave the house with fancy demure business lady hair!
    The only reason I can resist temptation on my way to work is the total lack of temptation and the door to door car journey! This doesn’t lead to business lady hair mind you…there are often hats employed to calm/hid the very unruly hair!
    😀

    • Hats are far superior to anything I can do to my hair. Mostly because I am kind of bad at successfully doing my hair in a way that lasts all day. The attempt is probably a time waster…but at least for the entire car ride to work, I can pretend to be fancy 🙂

      And awwww – temptation deserves some indulgence some days!

      • I can heartily recommend hats!
        People have now just written me off as eccentric and i can pretty much wear any hat / crazy boot combo you can think of!

    • Touche. Your city definitely wins at the baked goods. Uptown isn’t exactly a food-center of the world…but by golly, it sure beats the North end of the QC. There’s nothing up there but a mall and a Panera. I can totally resist Panera. Mostly.

  2. I try the business like thing every morning… But then I remember how much I like sleep…

    So then I sleep in and end up with a ponytail and last nights eyeliner made to look like I actually put effort into looking nice.

    It has gotten me trough the last 7 months haha.

    • HA! I’ve totally doing that for pretty much the last three days. Bless waterproof, smudge-proof eyeliner….

      “I swear, this is a smokey eye look, and definitely not smudged under-eyeliner-makeup-melt-marks. Totally.”

      We could do tutorials online, and save women time in the morning everywhere.

  3. OMG! You just gave me shivers. I WANT THAT RICE CRISPY OF YOURSSSSS! I mean, I have my rice krispy packed too, but it doesn’t have that caramel thing going on. I’d lose my business like hair for that too! And a coat for that matter! Ahahah! ❤ xoxo

    • Ha! Ok, I have to confess – the rice crispy thingie was DELICIOUS. I made the Boyfriend split it with me so I wouldn’t go into a diabetic coma…but it was SO AMAZING. I have to pretend that shop doesn’t exist DIRECTLY DOWNSTAIRS from my office, because otherwise, I may die of sugar overdose.

      (Sogoodsogoodsogood!) (ANd if you were here, I’d share!)

  4. What really bites is that on days when I’m running too late to find any breakfast to take to work, there are not any fancy, yummy shops where I can buy things like Rice Krispy Treats covered in Caramel or soy-anythings! 😥 However, although the Universe is clearly conspiring against ME this way, it may also be saving my waistline from becoming too large to fit into my office chair. 😉

    • Truth. It’s both a cold and evil fate to have no fancy shops…and also a huge benefit for your wallet and your waistline…

      My wallet is looking thinner and my waistline is starting to look very-the-opposite-of-my-wallet… 😉

    • Thanks! It likes you too. I can speak for it, because it is mine, and ownership is pretty much the same as being something. This is how I also sometimes pretend to be my cat, or my car, or a normal person.

  5. Have you seen the warm chocolate chip cookies at Panera Bread? They now list the calories. It doesn’t stop me. It just tells me how many miles to run.

    • Posting calories is really just mean. It’s like saying “Hey, remember when you were 15 and could eat five of these without having to run 80 miles in a week? Yeeeaahhhh…not anymore.”

  6. Pingback: Working Together as a Team Is a Challenge, Guys | Perpetual Plot Hole

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