An Open Letter to the Internet Regarding the Olympics

Hi Internet.

It’s me. Your old pal and annual Valentine.

Look, I know things between us are better than normal. I know we’re spending a lot of time together lately and it’s really paying off. But I have to talk to you about something pretty serious. Something pretty close to my heart. Something with a longer-standing history than the affair between us.

The Olympics.

The lyrics to this song are really hard to spell

Duuuunn dun dun dun duuuunnnn dun. Dunnn dah-dah-dah duuuunnnn…

I know we talked about the Olympics for months before they happened. Together, we made flippant remarks about Russia and Sochi’s un-Olympically warm weather. We joked about how Vladimir Putin was going to use this international event to further his plans for world domination.

We bonded over it.

But honestly, you’re kind of destroying this miracle of worldwide gathering and athletic competition.


Way to go, Internet.

When I was but a small person-in-progress, the cruelest part of the Olympics were the commentators. They mercilessly pointed out flaws and errors I never would have notices. They informed me about traumatic and private backstories. They seemed to jinx every athlete and doom them to embarrassment and failure.

I was sure, when I was small, that figure skaters could hear all the comments being made about them.

SHHHHH Commentators!

In this hypothetical doodle world, she just did three triple toe loops. Can’t we talk about how cool that was?

These days. Though, things are a thousand times worse. Graceful figure skaters who have trained for years and dedicated their lives to their sports are reduced to the most ridiculous faces they make while performing.

He is the picture of grace

I would never have noticed this face without your help, Internet. And I would have been fine with that.
Click for source.

Because that won’t give them a complex or anything.

Instead of focusing on how skillfully the opening ceremonies told a (truthfully romanticized) history of Russia, the entire Internet focused on the failed ring unfurling. It’s become an iconic gag.

I'm cool letting Russia Forget about this

That someone over in Russia is mortally depressed over, I’m sure.
Click for source

Darling Internet, light of my life, you have entire pages and social accounts dedicated purely to Olympic crashes and fails. The running gags of “Sochi Problems” has convinced half of America (who don’t get that the vast majority of these are photoshopped creations for humor) that Russia is even more backwards than before.

So please. Ease up on the country-and-athlete-bashing. For the next Olympics, at least. Let’s get back to being wildly impressed at what people are capable of achieving in this competition of fitness and skill.

Because it was way more fun to dream about being a figure skater when I was a little girl…when I didn’t think that I’d find myself obsessing about being plastered all over the Internet with this face.

Awkward for everyone involved, I know

In fairness, this is what I look like while figure skating, and I can’t even spin.

Kisses and candy,

Your Devoted and Adoring Bloggerette


We’re still cool, right?

(I know linking to all these things is probably just furthering the problem, but I feel like credit should always be given where credit is due. Also, I laughed at Sochi Problems until I fell out of my chair, until I talked to someone who really thought all Russians were dumb.)