I Watched Every Minute of Sunday SportsBall*

Or: How Adding Feet to Something Makes it EVEN MORE AMAZING

*Let’s just agree that this is what the Super Bowl should be called. Actual bowls are not involved. More chicken wings are involved than bowls. Bowl-shaped stadiums are not worthy of event names.

OK, Internet. I have a confession to make. It may be hard for you to hear (or read)…but I just have to get it off my chest. Here we go.

I am not good at sports things.

I do not understand soccer. I do not understand tennis, Rugby is a mystery, and I think cricket is an insect. I barely understand hockey and baseball. I threw an entire party last year based around two concepts: I don’t understand football** and I wanted to impress a guy I liked***.
**What do you mean that yellow line isn’t real? It appears on my screen during EVERY GAME. My TV wouldn’t lie to me!
***This has worked out very well for me. I highly recommend this tactic. Mostly because I still TOTALLY like this guy, and he likes me back. I’ll tell you all about it later.

I know that in this modern era, this is a shameful thing to admit. But I’m being brave for you, Internet. Because something really important happened while I was watching sports.*****
*****Which I was totally doing again this year to impress the same guy. 

Guys. I watched someone win a design argument ON LIVE TV. And if you watched Sunday SportsBall, you did too. Let me explain:

Things don’t just pop into being in the world of entertainment. The things we see every day are the result of someone else’s brain-magic pumping out ideas and putting them down on paper.

Shark Creator could be a real job

In this blog dramatization of a story I made up in my head, the role of “shark creator” will be played by my doodle.

Someone legitimately sat down, considered what would be the best possible background for Katy Perry singing “California Girls” would be, and determined that singing beachballs and lip-syncing sharks with legs was the way to go. They not only had to sketch this idea out on paper, but more horrifyingly, they then undoubtedly had to present it to their peers and supervisors.

When one presents an idea to one's peers and supervisors, one is always about three times their size. Proportionality between humans varies based on situations, and has nothing to do with how much space was left on my doodle-post-it during this drawing.

When one presents an idea to one’s peers and supervisors, one is always about three times their size. Proportionality between humans varies based on situations, and has nothing to do with how much space was left on my doodle-post-it during this drawing.

Presenting creative concepts to a gathering of peers and supervisors is rough. And this person was presenting the concept of sharks with legs.******
******Coincidentally, this is how the apocalypse will actually happen. Forget about zombies. We’re seeing the future dance before us.

Creative genius can involve moments of harsh criticism.

Creative genius can involve moments of harsh criticism.

But the key to getting the creative ideas you believe in turned into reality is having a solid argument ready.

This is the best argument ever

Such as “you guys blew the budget for REAL sharks on building a shiny rolling lion.”

A good argument is really the only way to get your way. We all learned this as children.

I honestly can't remember who sang this song

After winning an argument, while crafting your creative masterpiece, it’s important to listen to songs verifying that you are, in fact, doin’ it your way.

This argument surely happened long before Sunday SportsBall actually took place. That means the poor inventor of these sharkian masterpieces was forced to suffer the silent ridicule and judgement of his or her peers every day until the mystical Half-Time show.

Lots of them, I'm sure. I was watching the commercials.

Lots of them, I’m sure. I was watching the commercials.

That’s when the magic went live:

Honestly, this whole thing was horrifying

The sharks eclipsed everyone, let’s be honest. No one saw Katy Perry. No one saw the girls in bikinis. The dancing trees are hardly worth mentioning, and the singing beachballs were basically just backup for the sharks.

And then the Internet responded.

Yes, the Internet has Favorite Things. The Internet is just as cool and popular as Oprah, guys,

Yes, the Internet has Favorite Things. The Internet is just as cool and popular as Oprah, guys,

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you win an argument AND get to design shark costumes with feet.

I hope this person received a massive trophy from his or her workplace.

I hope this person received a massive trophy from his or her workplace.

NOTE: This story is not even slightly based in fact. It’s just the only explanation I can come up with for how lip-syncing plush sharks with feet made it onto one of the most-watched television events in America.

In case you somehow missed it, or do not live in America, I’d like to introduce you to the stars of the Super Bowl:

This image is courtesy of mlive.com - Click to read just one of the many fabulous stories on the sharks. Specifically, Left Shark, hero of the Internet.

This image is courtesy of mlive.com – Click to read just one of the many fabulous stories on the sharks. Specifically, Left Shark, hero of the Internet.

I think I would understand sports so much more if there were more sharks involved.

3 thoughts on “I Watched Every Minute of Sunday SportsBall*

  1. I saw none of this because I am British and American sport is long and confusing…British sport is also although growing up near it helps!

    Anyway…I am very impressed with your drawing of drawings of sharks with legs…they are much accurate!!

    I am glad they didn’t eclipse kittens as the purpose of the Internet…otherwise my 3 kittens would be sad and less shown off!!

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