Honestly. It should be a national holiday. In your face, Donut Day.

(Just kidding, Donut Day. You know I love you. You’re a totally fantastic and real holiday, and not at all something made up to promote pastry sales.)

Now, I know no one out there is silly enough to ask why, but I feel like I should justify this foray into morbid obesity.

1. Apples are in season, so they’re extra delicious
2. Pie
3. Apples are a fruit, and fruit is good for you, so how bad can apple pie be, really?
4. Pie
5. Apple Pie Monday gives me an excuse to use all those commas that I just used in point 3.
6. Pie
7. Pie for breakfast makes Monday better. Don’t even try to deny it.

Unofficial point 8: Also Pie.

In completely unrelated news, does anyone happen to have any apple pie they’d like to share?