I choose to summarize my week for you by simply sharing a few of the things I have said to coworkers, friends, and strangers over the past seven days.
“My jelly bean tastes like a dreamsicle.”
“Don’t discount ALL of China, dude.”
“I’m pretty sure a bearshark would improve my outlook on life.”
“What do you mean we can’t do that now? We live IN THE FUTURE!!!”
“Sorry – I can’t come to trivia. I have to sew the spikes on my tail.”
“And we can pick out potential sugar daddies for me!”
“I think conforming to their rules of engagement are a lot like playing Sorry with an 8 year old.”
“Bees don’t want children. They want flowers.”
And now, I present my personal method for keeping people from stealing all your coffee creamer from the work fridge:
I drink soy milk in my coffee. People were drinking all of my soy milk. I solved this problem by putting my soy milk in a sippy cup. Now everyone is afraid of what might actually be inside this cup. Problem solved, y’all.